Sometimes, I had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't all a dream. When Tara was born almost 45 years ago, I certainly never thought about spending a week with her and her family in Paris. My greatest dream for her was to simply be a healthy and happy little girl. To grow up in a happy and healthy home filled with the kind of love that would nurture her and provide her with the tools she would need to grow into a happy and healthy woman. I looked at that sweet baby girl and thought about all the opportunities she would have to grow up to be anything she wanted to be. Unlike my life, being told I could or could not do something because I was a "girl". I knew this little girl would never be told that. She might not be able to do something for other reasons, but NEVER would being a female keep her from anything. My prayer, hope, dream was, that being a female would only open more doors for her.
And so, she did. She has been able to follow her dreams and has allowed them to take her far beyond anything I ever dreamed of. She has traveled to more cities, countries and continents than I ever dreamed she would. I simply wanted her to get an education and have a career that supported her dreams and provided for her in an adequate fashion financially. When she went off to Ecuador over 20 years ago, I remember her saying to me, "Mom, don't worry, I am going for one year, two at the most". I have watched her disappear through departure gates and security gates and on this trip,I watched her and her husband and daughter walk away from me down a narrow Paris street in the early morning golden glow of the street lights. It looked like something out of a movie. They had planned to walk to St. Germain de Pres and catch a taxi to the airport, but a taxi came by on Rue du Dragon and stopped. When I saw them begin to put their suitcases into the taxi, I couldn't restrain myself. I needed one last hug this time. I couldn't just watch them disappear again without another hug. As I began to run and at my age, that can be a challenge, but I felt an energy that I didn't know I had. Suddenly, I see them all in the taxi but Dale and I called out to him to wait. I sprinted those last few steps and leaned into the taxi to give my little girl and her little girl one last hug. Tears are filling my eyes as I write. Will I ever get used to saying goodbye? I don't think so. I am so blessed. I have a daughter who wants to be with me and her father. She wants to share her daughter and husband with us. She wants to share as much time as she can with us. It isn't always easy, but she finds a way. Why can't I just let go of the emptiness I feel when she leaves? It is a challenge, but I have made progress over the years. I no longer get moody the day before she leaves. I cherish the moments we have and don't waste time on that loss I feel. I look forward to planning the next time we will all be together.
And so, the empty and hollow feeling comes and goes. I can't stop it. But, I can work with it and not allow it to control how we roll with it. We make the most of our times together and we are so blessed by it. And goodness gracious, who can complain about trips to places like Paris to meet and explore the streets, museums, metros, gardens, monuments, bakeries and cafes? Whenever I feel blue and whenever we talk about it or whenever we think about our times together, our new phrase to one another is, "we will always have Paris". Yes, my sweet and beautiful daughter, "we will always have Paris" and all the other ordinary moments of life. We are blessed beyond measure.
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